2 years ago today...
My husband told me he was leaving to live with his girlfriend, A woman who had said she wanted to be my best friend. When I objected he threw me across the kitchen and slammed me into a wall repeatedly while our 7 yr old son watched from a couple of feet away.
That evening I made the hardest decision I have ever made, I called the police and had him arrested because I was terrified. He had gotten physically violent for the second time in a few months and this time it was close enough to one of my kids to have hurt them as well.I was scared because his violence was out of control.
A few months later, I intentionally overdosed on pain killers so that I could sleep through the 4th of July holiday weekend while the children were with their father. I spent 10 days in the hospital and reviewed my life.
Since then I have attempted relationships again and decided that even though I wanted one, that I really like my independence.
I have struggled with finances. I have stayed in a job that wasn't secure but that I enjoy, Stayed in that job longer than any other job in my life. I have secured financing and made some major decisions. I started college and took on student loans, I purchased a car and will be making car payments in MY name. I went from 0 net worth to a seriously negative net worth but in a positive way. In have had faith that when I need money that it will be there if I am responsible, it has.
My latest "hurdle" has been buying a new car. I have mixed emotions about this because I am still not sure I can afford the payments, but my parents have assured me that it won't be a problem. I would not have been able to buy the NICE car I have without my parents help, but I am glad they are willing.
I have a few more goals to achieve including finding a new place to live, and changing jobs to something more secure.
Last week I donated my wedding gown, slip, shoes and veil. I spent 20 minutes fighting the urge to turn around and go back to Savers and get it back. I did it, its over. Though I will avoid the place for awhile so I don't see it again.
I still have moments where it just hurts. I did not choose to end my marriage, I did not choose to get divorced. I certainly have made the choice not to dwell on hating my ex, something which he seems incapable of as he continues to pursue legal actions against me purely out of spite.
2 years seems like such a long time looking forward, but not so much when I look back.
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