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[icon] new survey - Starting Over After Divorce...
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Subject:new survey
Time:09:52 am
Current Mood:contemplativecontemplative
I remember filling one of these out almost a year ago when all the crap began, I never see anyone updating later so here I go. If anyone hasany questions, PLEASE feel free to ask me.  I know there are a lot of people who struggle for years aftera divorce, forme it was a year and I seem to be on the other side of it. I like helping otherpeople though.

1. How long were you married?: 2 years dating and engaged,.12 years together, 1 year divorcing,

2. Did it end suddenly or gradually?: suddenly, it didnt have the greatest foundations but it totally fell apart over a period of a few months. Then he became physically violent and I had him arrested  because I was scared he would hurt the children and I.

3. When did you start having doubts?: When he forgot about me on valentines day while we were moving 260 miles across the state. he went to dinner with a "friend" instead.(the "friend" he eventually left me for)

4. Have you remarried, are you dating again, or are you currently single?: I was officially divorced this past monday.  I I have had a few dates but none that panned out into anything more than a few friendships yet.

5. How long have you been divorced?: 5 days, seperated 14 months

6. Were there any children or pets?: 2 kids, 2 cats.  been fighting over the kids. laws here allow no deviance for domestic abuse situations so it was handled as if we were JUST getting a divorce. no fault state. he refused to take the cats.

7. if so, how are you handling custody?: We have a near 50/50 placement.  I think the courts can deny their responsibility on this as I DO NOT feel it is best for the kids to be with their dad so much since he is more concerned with making them part of his new family than being their dad.

8. What did your family think?: suprised at how it ended, havent talked to them about the final court decision much yet..  They have helped me out as much as they can emotionally and financially.

9. When did you really know it was over?: when he threw me across our kitchen, a few feet from our youngest child, screamed "I WILL live with (*current GF) and I WILL come and go in this house as I please", then slammed me into a wall and shouted "DONT MAKE ME DO THIS".  I had him arrested later that day.

10. Was it a mutual decision?: no, I did not choose this, he decided to leave the marriage for someone else, he decided to physically hurt me and he decided to be a spiteful asshole for the last year.

11. If not, who left whom?: he was removed from the house, but he filed for divorce.

12. What's been the hardest thing for you?: learning to live alone for the first time in my life, loosing  my nieces nephiews and friends, and feeling like I failed my kids the sameway my parents failed me when they got divorced.

13. When you got married, did you truly think you'd be together forever?:  Yes.  Iwe had even worked through a previous divorce attempt by him 6 years earlier.

14. How did the legal proceedings go?: i went into court to show that i wanted what was best for my kids. my ex went into court to make me look as bad as he possibly could.  he dredged up EVERY mistake I had ever made in our 12 year marriage. and it worked, the judge made her decision thinking that i was a spiteful vindictive bitch and I am not.  as far as I am concerned the abuser won.

15. So . . . . what now?:I'm in college, with goals to become a psychologist eventually, and trying to make enough money to never need anything from the ex again. I am trying to move on with myself and my kids but I am still being forced to treat my abuser civily just because he was able to turn the spin away from his crap and onto mine. He has never even apologised.

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