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Time:11:23 am
So, I just sent the revisions to the separation agreement to his lawyer. I'm pretty sure he's going to be furious, even though I'm hardly asking for anything. I really can't wait until all this paperwork is over with. Part of me wants to be done with him. Each time I receive an email my heart crawls into my thoart and cuts off air.

I had a horrible dream about him last night. I still dream about him....even tho we've been separated for 6 months now. I just want to know when I will get over this. I want to be rid of all these horrible feelings of one day being glad I'm not with him, to the next where it breaks my heart that he cheated on me and is already with someone else.

How long does it take to get over this sadness? How long does it take to be able to be with someone else? What am I doing wrong?

I don't have any urge to meet anyone. I hibrinate and only go out with people I know, like my family.

What am I doing wrong? Why can't I really start living?
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gaillakritz
Subject:The pain never really stops
Link:(Link)
Time:2007-02-20 11:24 pm (UTC)
I have been going through it for longer than I thought I would. When you devote your heart to someone, and that person chooses to break it in return, the wound never fully mends. The trick is to face it. Don't deny that it is there. Shed all the tears you need to.

A wise person once said that you should not get involved with anyone for a full year. At first, I didn't believe it, but you know, they were right. And now I know why. It takes that much time to be able to separate your feelings for him from your feelings for yourself. Dating is a very egotistical ritual. You need the ability to put yourself first, and when you have in-trusted yourself to the care by another person, it takes that long to re-establish self care.

My husband always told me I was ugly. And I believed him. I now find that (yeah, it happens at 59) younger men want to be seen in public with me. I now get taken to places that my ex stopped taking me to long ago. I am caring for myself after 38 years of marriage. I don't have to face washing his stinky socks or worrying if I am treading on thin ice. Now the guys have to worry about that. And, there have been a few in the past six months. (Okay, I'm a slow learner. It took me some extra time to heal.) Know what? It feels good to be the one to break it off.

Start reliving by reclaiming. You'll never forget, but you can forgive yourself. Start there. Than go write your next fairy tale, this time with a happy ending.
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estero
Subject:Re: The pain never really stops
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Time:2007-02-21 02:07 pm (UTC)
Thank you so much. I needed that.
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zoojuliet
Subject:broken hearts
Link:(Link)
Time:2007-03-26 01:44 am (UTC)

I still dream about him....even tho we've been separated for 6 months now. I just want to know when I will get over this. I want to be rid of all these horrible feelings of one day being glad I'm not with him, to the next where it breaks my heart that he cheated on me and is already with someone else.

How long does it take to get over this sadness? How long does it take to be able to be with someone else? What am I doing wrong?

I don't have any urge to meet anyone. I hibrinate and only go out with people I know, like my family.

What am I doing wrong? Why can't I really start living?

Hi estero,
I just joined lj, so I'm just reading this Feb entry today. I bet by now, these bleak heartbroken moments are farther apart. You are NORMAL, sister! You're griving for the good parts, the dream of permanency that went along with the committment that apparently only YOU believed in. The pendulum-swings are so normal, just ride them out and a better day is ahead. My therapist says that a year afterward is more like it, as far as connecting with a new love.

zj
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