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Subject:Hard weekend
Time:05:00 pm
Current Mood:frustratedfrustrated
Well I got the letter from the lawyer that the date for my final divorce hearing is Feb 2, 2007. seems appropriate cause thats the weekend we moved away from everything last year.

Was setting up the holiday decorations, found the orniment that my mom gave us for our first christmas together, spent the rest of the day in tears because I did not choose this, he did.

I realized I will never see my neice or nephiews again, simply because my x-MIL is a bitch and my x-sil is just like her mom.

This is my first christmas without the big family gathering. I have tried to include my new friends into new traditions, but they already have their own and don't want to or can't squeeze new ones in.

My ex's family is jewish adn forthe last decade I have grown to love the hanukkah gatherings where each member of the family had their own menorah to light, i will always remember what it looked like to see all of the kids faces lit by candlelight. I now have one menorah left, the ex insisted on the other 3 because they had "family attachments". a family i am no longer welcome in (if I ever was).

How do you get through the first holiday season? How do you get past all of the traditions that have been ripped away from you?
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tcaptain
Link:(Link)
Time:2006-12-12 01:27 am (UTC)
That's one I'd like to know myself.

My first holiday season without the STBX
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mister_barista
Link:(Link)
Time:2006-12-12 01:33 am (UTC)
My soon-to-be Ex doesn't celebrate anything.
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polylizzy
Link:(Link)
Time:2006-12-12 02:21 am (UTC)
mine SAYS he "does not believe in organised religion" but only because the kids and I started attending a Unitarian Universalist congregation. suddenly mr "I'm jewish I hate everything christmas" has my replacements christmas tree set up in his house, but won't let the kids participate in the cristmas program with the congregation. (he actually told the 11 yr old he "doesn't give a damn" about his youth group activities).
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johannah_rose
Link:(Link)
Time:2006-12-12 04:15 am (UTC)
I don't know exactly what happened between you and the ex and the ex's family. Your kids are still cousins to your niece and nephews, so you might see them again but probably not very often unless their mother has a change of heart.

Have you asked the kids what they want to do this year? Do they want to light the menorah you have left? Do they want to get new ones to use at your place? They might just like being given a choice and it takes pressure off of you because then you won't have to think of something to make it special for them.

I tossed out all the marriage related stuff when I was moving out, all I have left are tins of candies that were on the tables. They have our names and the date of the wedding.
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polylizzy
Link:(Link)
Time:2006-12-12 01:17 pm (UTC)
I wont see the neice and nephiews again, I have a restraining order againts my ex, and his family lives 300 miles away. HE will be doing all the stuff with them with our kids.

I have talked to my kids about the holidays, we are doing what we can and then will fit whomever we can into our plans in the future.

I thought I got all the marriage stuff, I still have the wedding video and photo album. I think it is important that the kids know that their father and I did LOVE each other when they were born. there smart enough now to see what he is really like, but the foundations of their self worth is worth it for me to keep some things around.
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johannah_rose
Link:(Link)
Time:2006-12-12 05:13 pm (UTC)
Ah, I don't have any children, so tossing it all was an option for me. I mean, almost all of my friends parents are divorced so I know a little how that goes. Its good that they'll know that you were in love and that deep down their father is a good man, even if he's choosing not to show it anymore.

That really sucks that you won't be seeing the niece and nephews again, I mean even if their mother changes her mind about you, 300 miles is a long drive. I love my ex-mother in law and I know I'll never see her again and that thanks to my ex's lies she hates me now.
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miss_becki
Link:(Link)
Time:2006-12-16 07:24 pm (UTC)
Last year was my first holiday season, and it was very hard. It gets easier, though. I had the same experience with a nose-dive of emotion when I started opening the Christmas ornaments. *hugs* The first year is the hardest.
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jenafrado
Subject:been there
Link:(Link)
Time:2006-12-31 08:24 am (UTC)
I have no clue. I don't know about you..I just read the above comment, so I don't know what kind of love you had with your ex-to-be..but regardless I know I thought I had found something real even with life so unpredictable, not knowing what the ride might be like but the ending was always the same in my mind...old and together. And than suddenly BOOM I realize I have no idea what life might throw at me much less who's going to be buried next to me at the end of it..well it's mind boggling to me. To separate yourself from dreaming for two to just dreaming for me. Planning for a family to just planning for me and my kids. Traditions, dreams, goals..everything changes...I call it the mourning process..I might be glad my run is finally over with the man I planned to love for the rest of my life..but I'm still mourning because the changes don't stop there. That's my babble on that. I feel for you. People tell me it gets easier.
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jenafrado
Subject:Re: been there
Link:(Link)
Time:2007-01-03 02:18 am (UTC)
yep
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