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Subject:How do you get through
Time:09:49 am
Current Mood:distresseddistressed
I am new to LJ and I am currently in the middle of getting a divorce. My husband and I seperated 2 months ago and I moved back to my home state of Texas. I left my husband almost everything. I just pack what I could in my car and left. I try to tell my self that I never loved him, I think that is my way of coping. He wasnt the nicest person in the world and with every breath he took could make me feel like the biggest piece of crap in the world, but there are times that I still think about him and I get sad, and miss him. There are times that I wonder, did I really do the right thin? Will I beable to make it on my own?. Is this normal, do other people feel this way? How do you get through and still stay sane?
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blukat
Link:(Link)
Time:2006-05-07 05:57 pm (UTC)
It is normal to have self-doubts, because that is what you are having. What I have done since separating from my Ex, is to call him my Ex, to try and figure out what I didn't like about that relationship and work on those parts of me that allowed him to take advantage of me. I also have tried to focus on what I need to do for myself to make my life better, and what I want in future relationships.

However, I do say that I loved him, that I gave to him, and I admit that. Just because he did some rather bad things is not a reflection on me, nor is it my fault. I think accepting that there was once love, and that we don't know what a person will do in the future, is part of moving on with separating from that person.
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brideofninja
Link:(Link)
Time:2006-06-03 03:09 am (UTC)
I just typed a long comment and LJ ate it. I hate when that happens.

Anyway, sorry for the delay in replying. My divorce was finalized the day after you posted and it has been a rough ride since then. I am sure you understand!

What you are feeling is totally normal. But know that there is no instruction manual on how to cope with a divorce-we each have to write our own. I wish I could use the "never loved him" trick, but it wouldn't work for me. You have to do what makes you feel better.

I miss my ex-husband too. A lot. Random things happen and my mind flashes to him or us and it hurts. I worry that I made a huge mistake, but whether that is true or not, what is done is done. It's normal. Just remember that you have to put you first now. Focus on what will make you feel more whole because, yes, you will be able to survive this and will be stronger and happier in the long run.

I live in Texas too!!
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untogetherly
Subject:More normal than you think...
Link:(Link)
Time:2006-06-15 02:00 pm (UTC)
Hello

I hope you don't mind me doing a shameless plug, but the subject matter is extremely relevant to your message... I felt sad for a very long time even though my ex made it clear she didn't love me....

Like lots of people going through the absolute hell of betrayal and separation I used writing to keen myself sane (enough).

It became a diary of numbered poems that document a pretty bad year for me called "180 Degrees of Separation"...

2. THE INSIDE OF MY EYELIDS
Insertion, exertion.
The removal of doubt
that a man has been in
where my children came out.

I thought my poems would start all angry and bitter and become more intelligent and beautiful as I "got better"... that didn't quite happen though. See how they ended up at...

http://180degreesofseparation.com/

tom
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lucky_once
Link:(Link)
Time:2007-04-13 12:23 am (UTC)
Alright, Texas ladies. Help a sister out...

How long does it take? Do you have to have all your assets/debts divided or just determined when the papers are filed?

My husband left me two weeks ago... out of the blue... says he wants to go ahead and file for divorce because of the waiting period required in Texas and he wants this over with as quickly as possible. Most of my friends are married or never-been-married and I just don't have a lot of frame of reference.

Thanks!!
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brideofninja
Link:(Link)
Time:2007-04-13 02:07 am (UTC)
The waiting period is 60 days from the time that you file the petition for divorce and you do have to outline all of the stuff in your decree but not necessarily the petition. My suggestion is to check out the court's website in whatever county you are in for details. I used a lawyer just for the forms and did all the filing myself. Of course, the more issues you have-assets, kids, etc.-the more complicated it all is. Hope this helps some, if you want to know more of have specific questions, feel free to comment or email me. Hugs! It's tough but us Texas gals are a tough breed-you'll get through it! ~April
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(Anonymous)
Link:(Link)
Time:2007-04-13 02:54 am (UTC)
Thank you! At first I was ready to just pick up and skip town to leave it all behind... now I'm wondering if I need to just stay here and fight. I don't know... lots of different emotions.

I know I'll survive... I'm a tough cookie. I just thought this was forever and that's the hardest thing to get used to now.

Thanks again for your help!
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willbridges
Subject:I feel ya!
Link:(Link)
Time:2006-07-18 05:22 pm (UTC)
I wonder constantly if I did the right thing in just giving up and letting it go. I still don't know. It was not as obvious a choice for me as it is for some people. I don't think I was ever 'in love' with her, whatever the hell that means, but I still care for her and miss her sometimes. My own livejournal account is sort of a diary of what I'm going through. It is ambiguous and conflicted, but what relationship isn't? So, no, you are not the only one. And thanks for being here. It helps to know that I'm not the only one with these same doubts and axieties either.
Will
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