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Subject:why do i still feel this way?
Time:09:21 am
Srsly. My x and I got married in May 06. We were together since May 01, and had lived together from Feb 02 up til he moved out in August 07. We've been divorced since May 08. Actually the very date of our would-be 2 year anniversary our divorce papers were legalized. Happy anniversary huh? Anyway, so yea I got remarried in September 08 to my baby's father. Now he has a girlfriend who is the epitiome of cuteness and he's just so sickenly elated with her. He even IM'ed me to tell me they went to this hotel several times to have sex and it was "AmAzInG." Like why are you telling me these things? Just when I was starting to be blissful in my own life. The thing is... why the fuck do I feel so damned jealous and like I want him back just to fuck him again. :( I love my husband and would never do anything to hurt him.
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Subject:2 Years...
Time:12:01 am
2 years ago today...

My husband told me he was leaving to live with his girlfriend, A woman who had said she wanted to be my best friend. When I objected he threw me across the kitchen and slammed me into a wall repeatedly while our 7 yr old son watched from a couple of feet away.

That evening I made the hardest decision I have ever made, I called the police and had him arrested because I was terrified. He had gotten physically violent for the second time in a few months and this time it was close enough to one of my kids to have hurt them as well.I was scared because his violence was out of control.

A few months later, I intentionally overdosed on pain killers so that I could sleep through the 4th of July holiday weekend while the children were with their father. I spent 10 days in the hospital and reviewed my life.

Since then I have attempted relationships again and decided that even though I wanted one, that I really like my independence.

I have struggled with finances. I have stayed in a job that wasn't secure but that I enjoy, Stayed in that job longer than any other job in my life. I have secured financing and made some major decisions. I started college and took on student loans, I purchased a car and will be making car payments in MY name. I went from 0 net worth to a seriously negative net worth but in a positive way. In have had faith that when I need money that it will be there if I am responsible, it has.

My latest "hurdle" has been buying a new car. I have mixed emotions about this because I am still not sure I can afford the payments, but my parents have assured me that it won't be a problem. I would not have been able to buy the NICE car I have without my parents help, but I am glad they are willing.

I have a few more goals to achieve including finding a new place to live, and changing jobs to something more secure.

Last week I donated my wedding gown, slip, shoes and veil. I spent 20 minutes fighting the urge to turn around and go back to Savers and get it back. I did it, its over. Though I will avoid the place for awhile so I don't see it again.

I still have moments where it just hurts. I did not choose to end my marriage, I did not choose to get divorced. I certainly have made the choice not to dwell on hating my ex, something which he seems incapable of as he continues to pursue legal actions against me purely out of spite.


2 years seems like such a long time looking forward, but not so much when I look back.
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Subject:to anyone who is divorcing or divorced
Time:09:57 am
If you  were a non custodial parent and found out one of your kids was really sick (like stay home from school and sleep, not hospital sick) and were offered another day for your visitation would you take it to allow the kid to feel better?

My oldest has the flu, he had a 103.6 temp yesterday and has a 101.6 temp today, he stayed home from school both days. 

My ex is insisting that he take both kids (sick kid and his younger brother), because it is "HIS time with them".

1. It's not HIS time with them but THEIR time with him,.
2. He has neglected to treat the kids past illnesses other than lying to a Dr. to get my 11 yr old put on an adult dose of anti depressants that made him physically ill.
3. The reason we are divorced is because I had him arrested for domestic abuse. he still claims I am "going out of my way to make his life miserable" (how narcissistic)

I talked to the legal advocate at the local womens shelter and she said that I have offered a fair alternative (different weekend) and that if he refuses to take the alternative that when he shows up I should call the cops and use the restraining order against him, and to call her immediately so she can come and help as well.

Please send energies and strength, and if anyone knows a good lawyer in Northern WI thats willing to take payments please let me know.
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Subject:How Divorce Will Affect My Financial Condition
Time:01:38 am
Current Mood:coldcold
Going through a divorce is truly a tough and stressful experience. Aside from dealing with its emotional and mental impact to each family member, dealing with finances can also bring about complications. Let us consider some points involving financial matters that can help you go through with divorce less painfully.

Child Support
If you have children, know your financial duties. It is crucial that both parents come to an agreement regarding the arrangements about child support. It is a common case that a parent does not pay enough or does not pay at all his financial duties to his children. As early as possible this matter should be addressed and cleared.

Dividing Property
State laws differ when it comes to dividing properties between divorcees. If you live in a community property state (AZ, CA, ID, LA, NE, NM, TX, WA, and WI), then your personal assets and your spouse’s assets that are acquired during your marriage will be divided equally between the two of you. For the rest of the states, the court will be deciding about the property distribution which depends on the financial state of the divorcing couple.


However, if you can come up with an agreement, the better it is for both of you. Some divorcees use “bartering” in dividing properties where both parties decide on which assets they would like to keep and which they would like to give up. However, to be fair, some divorcees prefer to sell all their conjugal properties and divide the sales equally between them.

READ MORE: How Divorce Will Affect My Financial Condition
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Subject:new survey
Time:09:52 am
Current Mood:contemplativecontemplative
I remember filling one of these out almost a year ago when all the crap began, I never see anyone updating later so here I go. If anyone hasany questions, PLEASE feel free to ask me.  I know there are a lot of people who struggle for years aftera divorce, forme it was a year and I seem to be on the other side of it. I like helping otherpeople though.

1. How long were you married?: 2 years dating and engaged,.12 years together, 1 year divorcing,

2. Did it end suddenly or gradually?: suddenly, it didnt have the greatest foundations but it totally fell apart over a period of a few months. Then he became physically violent and I had him arrested  because I was scared he would hurt the children and I.

3. When did you start having doubts?: When he forgot about me on valentines day while we were moving 260 miles across the state. he went to dinner with a "friend" instead.(the "friend" he eventually left me for)

4. Have you remarried, are you dating again, or are you currently single?: I was officially divorced this past monday.  I I have had a few dates but none that panned out into anything more than a few friendships yet.

5. How long have you been divorced?: 5 days, seperated 14 months

6. Were there any children or pets?: 2 kids, 2 cats.  been fighting over the kids. laws here allow no deviance for domestic abuse situations so it was handled as if we were JUST getting a divorce. no fault state. he refused to take the cats.

7. if so, how are you handling custody?: We have a near 50/50 placement.  I think the courts can deny their responsibility on this as I DO NOT feel it is best for the kids to be with their dad so much since he is more concerned with making them part of his new family than being their dad.

8. What did your family think?: suprised at how it ended, havent talked to them about the final court decision much yet..  They have helped me out as much as they can emotionally and financially.

9. When did you really know it was over?: when he threw me across our kitchen, a few feet from our youngest child, screamed "I WILL live with (*current GF) and I WILL come and go in this house as I please", then slammed me into a wall and shouted "DONT MAKE ME DO THIS".  I had him arrested later that day.

10. Was it a mutual decision?: no, I did not choose this, he decided to leave the marriage for someone else, he decided to physically hurt me and he decided to be a spiteful asshole for the last year.


11. If not, who left whom?: he was removed from the house, but he filed for divorce.

12. What's been the hardest thing for you?: learning to live alone for the first time in my life, loosing  my nieces nephiews and friends, and feeling like I failed my kids the sameway my parents failed me when they got divorced.

13. When you got married, did you truly think you'd be together forever?:  Yes.  Iwe had even worked through a previous divorce attempt by him 6 years earlier.

14. How did the legal proceedings go?: i went into court to show that i wanted what was best for my kids. my ex went into court to make me look as bad as he possibly could.  he dredged up EVERY mistake I had ever made in our 12 year marriage. and it worked, the judge made her decision thinking that i was a spiteful vindictive bitch and I am not.  as far as I am concerned the abuser won.

15. So . . . . what now?:I'm in college, with goals to become a psychologist eventually, and trying to make enough money to never need anything from the ex again. I am trying to move on with myself and my kids but I am still being forced to treat my abuser civily just because he was able to turn the spin away from his crap and onto mine. He has never even apologised.

.
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Time:11:23 am
So, I just sent the revisions to the separation agreement to his lawyer. I'm pretty sure he's going to be furious, even though I'm hardly asking for anything. I really can't wait until all this paperwork is over with. Part of me wants to be done with him. Each time I receive an email my heart crawls into my thoart and cuts off air.

I had a horrible dream about him last night. I still dream about him....even tho we've been separated for 6 months now. I just want to know when I will get over this. I want to be rid of all these horrible feelings of one day being glad I'm not with him, to the next where it breaks my heart that he cheated on me and is already with someone else.

How long does it take to get over this sadness? How long does it take to be able to be with someone else? What am I doing wrong?

I don't have any urge to meet anyone. I hibrinate and only go out with people I know, like my family.

What am I doing wrong? Why can't I really start living?
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Time:07:52 pm
Acknowledge the feeling of anger...and let it go.
Acknowledge the feeling of resentment...and let it go.
Acknowledge the feeling of defensiveness...and let it go.
Acknowledge the feeling of disppointment...and let it go.
Acknowledge the feeling of disillusion...and let it go.
Acknowledge the feeling of helplessness...and let it go.
Acknowledge the feeling of sadness...and let it go.
Acknowledge the feeling of oppression...and let it go.
Acknowledge the feeling of hopelessness...and let it go.
Acknowledge the feeling of fear...and let it go.
Acknowledge the feeling of submissiveness...and let it go.
Acknowledge the feeling of restriction...and let it go.
Acknowledge the feeling of emptiness...and let it go.
Acknowledge the feeling of lonliness...and let it go.
Acknowledge the feeling of futility...and let it go.
Acknowledge the feeling of feelings...and let them go.
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Subject:Hard weekend
Time:05:00 pm
Current Mood:frustratedfrustrated
Well I got the letter from the lawyer that the date for my final divorce hearing is Feb 2, 2007. seems appropriate cause thats the weekend we moved away from everything last year.


How do you get through the first holiday season? How do you get past all of the traditions that have been ripped away from you?
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Time:01:55 am
Current Mood:workingworking
My Name is Kristine Sinclair.
I am a student at Florida International Univerity. I am a child of divorce parents and many of my friends are also divorced. Because of my life history I am doing a research project at  on individuals between the ages of 18-35 who are divorced. If you dont mind, could you please fill out this survey and send it back to me.
All information will remain confidential and solely used for research purposes. I appreciate your feed back.
I would like to keep this confidential. Please email your completed surveys to ksinc002@fiu.edu before November 30, 2006


Thank you.




Volunteer Survey
Information provided shall remain anonymous and solely used for research purposes.

1. Zip Code ______________

2. Male Female

3. Age _________________

4. Age married ___________

5. Age Divorced __________

6. Reasons for divorce: __________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

7. Did you see couples counseling? Yes No

8. Income (Individual) _____________ Household income____________________

9. Did pregnancy occur prior to marriage? Yes No

10. How would you rate your relationship with your inlaws?

1. Good
2. Moderate
3. Fair
4. Poor

11. Family/ Friends view of spouse?
1. Good
2. Moderate
3. Fair
4. Poor

12. Was substance abuse present? Yes No

a. Physical abuse? Yes No

b. Verbal/Emotional? Yes No

c. Infidelity Yes No

13. Rate your sexual satisfaction within your marriage

1. Good
2. Moderate
3. Fair
4. Poor

14. Rate Communication

1. Good
2. Moderate
3. Fair
4. Poor

15. As a woman how would you rate you’re responsibility for the household?

1. Solely woman’s responsibility
2. Mostly woman’s responsibility
3. Equally shared with spouse
4. Mostly man’s responsibility
5. Solely man’s responsibility

16. As a woman how would you rate you’re responsibility for the finances?

1. Solely woman’s responsibility
2. Mostly woman’s responsibility
3. Equally shared with spouse
4. Mostly man’s responsibility
5. Solely man’s responsibility

17. As a woman how would you rate you’re responsibility for the children?

1. Solely woman’s responsibility
2. Mostly woman’s responsibility
3. Equally shared with spouse
4. Mostly man’s responsibility
5. Solely man’s responsibility

18. As a man how would you rate you’re responsibility for the household?

1. Solely woman’s responsibility
2. Mostly woman’s responsibility
3. Equally shared with spouse
4. Mostly man’s responsibility
5. Solely man’s responsibility

19. As a man how would you rate your responsibility for the finances?

1. Solely woman’s responsibility
2. Mostly woman’s responsibility
3. Equally shared with spouse
4. Mostly man’s responsibility
5. Solely man’s responsibility

20. As a man how would you rate you’re responsibility for the children?

1. Solely woman’s responsibility
2. Mostly woman’s responsibility
3. Equally shared with spouse
4. Mostly man’s responsibility
5. Solely man’s responsibility

21. How would you rate your spouses views on your responsibility of

A. The house

1. Solely woman’s responsibility
2. Mostly woman’s responsibility
3. Equally shared with spouse
4. Mostly man’s responsibility
5. Solely man’s responsibility


B. The Finances

1. Solely woman’s responsibility
2. Mostly woman’s responsibility
3. Equally shared with spouse
4. Mostly man’s responsibility
5. Solely man’s responsibility


C. The Children

1. Solely woman’s responsibility
2. Mostly woman’s responsibility
3. Equally shared with spouse
4. Mostly man’s responsibility
5. Solely man’s responsibility

22. What would you say were the top 3 reasons for divorce?

23. Was pregnancy a reason for marriage?

24. Was marriage an escape from a troubled home?

26. Did cohabitation occur prior to marriage?

27. If you would like to provide more information about your story, I would greatly appreciate it.

Thank you for your participation.
Any additional details will be greatly appreciated.
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Subject:How do you get through
Time:09:49 am
Current Mood:distresseddistressed
I am new to LJ and I am currently in the middle of getting a divorce. My husband and I seperated 2 months ago and I moved back to my home state of Texas. I left my husband almost everything. I just pack what I could in my car and left. I try to tell my self that I never loved him, I think that is my way of coping. He wasnt the nicest person in the world and with every breath he took could make me feel like the biggest piece of crap in the world, but there are times that I still think about him and I get sad, and miss him. There are times that I wonder, did I really do the right thin? Will I beable to make it on my own?. Is this normal, do other people feel this way? How do you get through and still stay sane?
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[icon] Starting Over After Divorce...
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